Wednesday, May 30, 2012

and the day keeps looming closer...

Chocolate Caramel cupcake from Sucre in New Orleans,LA magazine street

A week from today I begin my 28th year of living.  Nothing feels different about me physically, perhaps the serious lack of working out maybe, but other than that there have been no changes in that department.  I do have to say that this past year has been a whirlwind of changes, trials, tribulations, and lessons.  It was only a year ago I was feeling bittersweet about leaving Nebraska to go back to Hawai'i for four months.  I was leaving the boyfriend who became the love of my life, for four months, but coming home to my friends and family whom I hadn't seen for 6 months.  (and preparing to visit New Orleans, LA, a place I think everyone should visit at least once in their life)

This year, I'm getting ready to begin summer school next week, eagerly awaiting my expensive books, and continuing to move towards my career goal.  I'm working towards having a more independent life so I can begin carving out a piece of my own story in Nebraska. I admit, I've been fighting it, fearing that I wouldn't fit in. In this case, fear is a good thing in a way.  It's pushing me to get out of my box and to embrace living here and the people here and make more friends and see new things.  I can be pretty really hard headed more times that I care to share, and I probably learn the hard way more often than not, but when I do get myself out of that rut; I'm all in.  Since I'll be here for awhile, at least until I'm accepted to an OT program, I might as well make the best of my decision to move here =)

I was going to put a picture of a collage of things that I would love to enjoy on my birthday, instead I chose one of the best cupcakes I've ever had.  So rather than post a photo of what I want on my birthday I posted a photo of what I love. Cupcakes.  We all need a reminder sometimes, a tap on the shoulder, telling us that we don't need things to be happy or have a happy birthday.

This year, what I would love to do on my birthday is enjoy the things and people I already have with me.  There are some people out there who don't have nearly as much as I do...
spending time with the ones I love
that would be the best gift God has given me already...

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

things I'm afraid to tell you...

I've finally come to a point where I'm okay with writing this post.  I've read a few other inspiring posts on this very subject and though it's scary I thought I would give it a try.

As therapeutic as writing has been for me, since I purchased my first journal in sixth grade, it has also been a tad bit scary.  You're allowing your vulnerability to come through your words on paper.  The feelings and thoughts that are inside of you are now readily and somewhat available to the seeking eyes of someone else.

But I've always found peace in writing.  There's a connection between your heart, soul, and mind to the tips of your fingers forming the words on paper.  When I started blogging, I thought of it as a way to connect with other people, to share my life since I was moving an ocean and half a continent away from the home I love and the family & friends I miss so dearly.  I've been true to the sharing of my life, but as others have stated before, there's a part of us that all bloggers keep hidden and perhaps all of us do it at some point.  There's a part of us that we keep to ourselves in hopes of sharing only our best self.  But it makes me wonder, does holding that part of us keep us from being our true self? Blogger, friend, wife, girlfriend, daughter, sister?

So here's my list...

1.  I worry that I was too late to seek and begin my journey towards my dream career.  That working different jobs after college has gotten me no where, that all the work I've done in the past calendar year will be wasted and I won't know what to do with myself.  My biggest goal right now is doing everything I need to do to be accepted to an Occupational Therapy Master's program in the west.  I prefer a two calendar year program so I can hurry up and start doing what I know in my heart is my calling.  Despite my past experiences, I don't think I've lived the best life I could have after college.  There were many roads traveled that had taken me the hard way to learn some lessons.  My biggest fear is that I was too late.  Too late to begin my path to my dream, too late to pursue positions that would give me more confidence in my abilities. 

2.  I'm a pretty positive and bubbly person by nature.  And I do almost all that I can to see the silver linings in challenging situations.  However, life isn't always sunshiney and rosey, it can be prickly and a pain in the rear to be completely honest.  And when I'm in those moments of thorn bushes and rocky trails it is those moments when my confidence is being tested.  I've grown up pretty humbly and only recently have been able to accept compliments graciously.  I've even been in a few pageants in my past, which feels like it was in a different lifetime, but I've never felt better than anyone else.  I believe, I've even told one of my best friends this very line, it's not like I don't think I'm pretty (blah, blah, blah), I just think that there are other people out there who are pretty too.  Perhaps prettier, nicer, smarter, etc.  This has played a role in my relationships too.  Mostly because my last two relationships seemed to always look backwards at what they missed about their exes.   I fear, that though my personality is naturally happy, positive, and confident it will only do so much and never be enough...

3.  I love chocolate and my sweet tooth has been with me from the time I was born.  I guarantee I craved sugar when I was still in my mother's tummy.  I strive to eat and be healthy in my daily life, but chocolate and sweets are apart of my everyday life.

4.  Picking up and moving somewhere that's somewhat new, (I have no roots here) was probably the biggest change for me.  I have no car and have yet to learn completely and confidently how to drive a stick shift.  So, my lack of independence to drive where I need to go and having to adjust to being away from my friends, can be very lonely.  Don't get me wrong though, I absolutely adore being close to Joel's family and being able to see my niece, sister, and brother in law here, I just fear I'll be unable to carve out my own story here in Nebraska.  That I won't be able to make any friends of my own here... gasp! A crazy thought, I know, but it's a fear that has come across my mind more than once. 

5.  In the virtual world it may seem as though I have my life is all put together neatly and strategically.  But outside of the computer world I'm pretty emotional, my boyfriend tells me all the time.  I tend to feel too much or I am too nice and therefore really vulnerable.  I fear that my emotional thoughts will get in the way of the best life I can have and the best person I can be. (Currently, I've been trying to meditate twice a day to keep this in check, I'm still working on this!)  

6. Lastly, my worst fear is that this blog has been for nothing.  That, because I'm a newbie with all of this virtual blogging world, that the fancier, more talented blogs will keep mine in the dust.  The little negative nancy comes a poppin' and tells me that no one reads it.  In my heart, I just hope that someone will find my story interesting and maybe inspiring.

Thanks for reading all the way through, I truly appreciate you taking the time to read!

Hope you have a great tuesday and God bless!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

summertime in the midwest

Taking a break from my series of every day photos from my trip, I wanted to share a wee bit of my summer plans. Summer has always been my favorite season of the year, despite how fortunate I was to grow up in a place that is mostly sun and breeze, Honolulu Hawai'i, summer has still been the preferred season.

This summer will be my very first summer away from Hawai'i, and though the beaches, hikes, and family & friends are and will be surely missed, I'm excited for several events that will all take place this summer here in the mid west. 

School will be starting up again for me the first week of june, so that will take up most of my time, with studying and going to class.  My birthday is also looming over me that first week of june as well, but that will be for a later post...

First weekend of June is the................. Omaha Warrior Dash!!!
A bunch of my friends in Hawai'i did this when it was in honolulu so when I found out they were having one in Omaha, you know I had to get in on this!! It's an obstacle course of strength and endurance and a good 'ol time.  I probably won't be in the best of shape by June 9th, but hey, it's going to be fun and muddy and we get a viking hat and medal for finishing it. Also, they have an option to donate money to the St. Jude research Hospital , a hospital near and dear to me, so that's always a good thing with these community events!

Joel, his sister and I are doing it together and hopefully we'll have a cheer squad at the end.  You can read more about it at the link above and if it's coming to your area too, you should definitely try it! I'll be sure to post a recap of it after the event. 

Coming in July is the COLOR ME RAD 5k run! This run is going to be really fun! Some of the proceeds go to the Special Olympics, another organization that's close to my heart.  It's a cool run/walk, where you're "colored" in different colors of cornstarch along the run! My niece is going to LOVE this event!
How cool is that?!?! 

Then lastly... the week after the Color run is  the Glow Run 5K in Kansas City.  It's a newer event but looks just as fun and different.  It takes place at night and we're making the town glow with glow sticks and our bright personalities! It will also be my first time in Kansas City, so this will be a fun event for a newbie like me.

So this summer will definitely be fun and exciting.  School, work, and the 3 events above will definitely keep me busy but I'm happy to be doing something different this summer.  It will be a memorable one for sure.

What are your summer plans this year? Will you be doing any community events or trips?  I'd love to hear about them!

Sunday, May 06, 2012

on the way to Pangasinan, Phillipines: Day 3

Day 3 of our trip started bright and early...well, more like dark and early.  We all got ready to head out of the city and into the country to Pangasinan, it's about a 5 to 6 hour drive.  We left about 4:00am and began our long and somewhat arduous journey.  I say arduous because though there were little complaints from Joel and I our backseat lacked cushion and we could feel every bump. Despite these factors and that our AC broke =) we       managed to capture beautiful pictures around us.

The Phillipines has so much beauty! It's breathtaking.

When we finally got to our destination, this is what awaited us! Joel's family had this all prepared for us welcoming our visit! It was one of the sweetest gestures I've ever experienced! The food was delish and consisted of fish, crab, fried egg rolls, fruit veggies, rice, filipino desserts, and drinks.

If the food doesn't convince you to hop on a plane to visit the PI, perhaps the beautiful serene mountains will.  And this isn't even the touristy, beachy part of the PI! Hope you enjoyed these pictures and that you had a wonderful weekend!


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