Tuesday, February 07, 2012

snow fallin & love.

Mahoney State park.  Taken by me on my love's camera.

I've been m.i.a. for about two weeks now, and for that, please forgive me.  That time away from blog world was interesting.  I had this urge to write to keep in "touch" with all of you...yet I also felt that I needed time away.  To experience what was going on.

Work has been tough.  It's one of those feelings where you know you are doing your best, but in someone else's eyes, you are just sub par.  Not enough.  You come to a breaking point where you realize that you deserve to be treated better and would choose that over money any day.   My amazing coworkers helped me through it all and I'm heading on in to work today.  Being nice is great and all, but being too nice could be interpreted as "easy to walk all over."  The latter is an experience all too familiar.   My boyfriend encouraged me to stand up for myself, and I plan to. Should the circumstances surface again.

Life has been a whirlwind.  My sister broke her leg.  Then her beloved dog died.  I decided to spend time with my sister and family that weekend.  To be there for her in a hardship and do what I can since she broke her leg.  I loved Elektra too, a german shephard that was sweet to everyone, the guinea pig, and the cat.  The next weekend I spent with the family again at the state park here.  It was nice to get away and wake up to winter wonderland.  It was so beautiful.  My niece and I went ice skating, her first time.  The joy and smiles my niece had were priceless.  I am so thankful for those moments.

Other than has been a little roller coaster.  The hard part is feeling like you are on one page and believing that that is the same page as everyone else, then realizing you're not.  Being certain you reached an understanding;  A place where you can move forward and get back to happy.  Then realizing...perhaps it wasn't all understood. 

Then stress, frustration, irritation, and anger come along and causes you or them to say or do things that you probably wouldn't do.  Negativity is the worst.  It gets no one anywhere and drains you of the love and positivity you can give.  Over the years, I've learned and tried so very hard to apply in my life, that in order to completely love someone else, you must completely love yourself.  At this point, I believe that I'm there, and have been there for awhile now.  I am able to give my whole heart and self to my boyfriend because I love myself enough to do so.  And I love him dearly.   Right now, it's a tough time.  Along with doing what's best for what we have, for me, and for him, I have faith and trust in our relationship, the love we share, and what we want for each other.  God knows best.  And you know that yours truly has been praying!!!! For others of course and for guidance.  Giving God your worries helps a lot.  I truly believe, that if he brought you to it, he'll get you through it.

This all sounds a bit sad.  The silver lining is that the love we have will get through anything.  The love that I have for others will help my sister get through her healing process and losing Elektra.  The love we share with anyone really helps make the world around you a seem like it's blanketed in rose colors and flowers.

The moral of the story is: we must always remember to see through the eyes of love.  It will only make you stronger, wiser, and full of love.  And that's what we all want.

This is Iwan. 

He was my study buddy all through spring quarter last year and he spent the weekend with us at Mahoney park too.  He's sweet. He loves to cuddle but also bothers the cat.  He's a competition dog that will start competing again with a different owner.  We're gonna miss Iwan so much!!! and his hugs!

1 comment:

hiilei said...

Beautiful picture from Mahoney State Park!

It's up to us to determine if we will allow others to make us feel sub par or bad, we do what we must to take care of ourselves. It takes great courage to do that!

Wonderful that you were able to make those memories with Lia, ice skating, in nature.

We're all on our own roller coaster, we need to have the low points to appreciate the high ones :)

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of the puppy. Its never easy losing a loved one. I still can see my dog, I empathize. Elektra will live on in memory and in your heart.


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